What is a dream job?

So, I have been working for around four months. This job I've been doing is the first real job I got after I graduated from college and was jobless for around 9 months. Yeah, I'm so grateful to finally have a job, have my own money, and have a routine. But, is it a sin if I start nagging? If I start complaining? If I start sighing? If I start crying? Am I not allowed to do those things when I feel pressured, stressed, and overwhelmed all the time? Am I prohibited to do those things when my job takes over my life and my time to at least laugh together with my family, my friends, or even with myself?

This job is really different from the one I've been dreaming of. Totally different from what I've learned in college. I feel so useless. No one appreciates my title, my abilities, my talents, my skills, my capabilities, and my so-called GPA. I am paid for working hard only, really HARD. I can't find comfort here. I can't meet my actual role. My body is working here but my brain, my soul, and my heart are hovering on an unknown place that hasn't been revealed. I feel numb. I try hard to train my patience for my passion can't be empowered yet. But, it hurts me more, guess what I am not a patient person.

I have to wake up on 3.30 A.M everyday and go to work on 4.30 A.M, I have my break time on 2.00 P.M, I get out from my office on  6.30 P.M (the earliest one) and arrive at home on 9.00 P.M. All happens everyday, I'm exhausted. But, what makes me feel more unhappy is the people. This place is full of hypocrisies. I wanna run away, as far as I can from here. But, I still need money. Yeah, money is my priority for now, for living. It is my dilemma, I wanna leave this place asap but it's hard to find another job. A job that can offer comfort and emotional fulfillment. A job that can let me to have a proper rest and proper meals. I don't wanna be jobless anymore but I don't wanna be tortured by others' ambitions.

What and who to blame now? The situation of my working place? The people here? The distance between my home and my office that is really far? Or myself? The one who is not strong enough to face the obstacles of life. I really wanna make a complete U-turn and go back to my college life, when my duty was only to study and graduate with good grades. Now, my duties are many. My responsibility is not only myself but my parents and my big family. I live not only for myself but for others as well. It's really hard to be a mature person, it's completely tough to be an adult.

Does a dream job really exist? Or is it only a fantasy? Is a dream job something that we have to create by our own selves and depending on the way we mean it? Is my job now a big rock that is becoming a burden on my shoulder? Or a stepping stone that is helping me to jump higher in the future? To stay or not to stay? I don't know. The only thing I know is I don't want my goals to go up in smoke.