Happy 68th Independence Day, Indonesia

It was supposed to be posted two days ago. But, you know, yeah blame my laziness ._.

August 17th, 1945 - August 17th, 2013

Thanks God, You still give us, Indonesians, a chance to celebrate our independence day. Our lovely country has arrived to its 68th birthday. We have to be grateful and stop complaining about our country's condition. Yeah, our government is not good, full of greedy people, corruptions are everywhere, there are many poor people, a lot of crimes happened, etc. But let's take a look from another side, we can still breathe, eat, do our activities, and live our life not like other people in other countries, like Palestine, who are still suffering because of unending wars. They can't eat, they can't sleep peacefully, children can't study at school with no fears because bombs can explode in any time there. Or like people in Democratic Republic of Congo and some other countries in Africa who are starving. They are so thin, so easy to be infected by numerous kinds of diseases, they don't have chances to attend school, they even can't sleep in comfort beds like we do. Compared to others, our life is WAY more comfort, WAY better, WAY more proper.

I pity those people who can do nothing but complaining out loud, it's really useless. Those people who only can criticize without offering solutions and never show real actions. Those people who only can nag a lot but can't give any contributions. Those demanding people. Please, if your complains can give significant changes for our country and build our country in minutes, you may complain as much and as loud as you like. Being a president is not an easy task. I'm not pro to our president or something, but let's walk in his shoes. A man leading 237 million+ people in 34 provinces, 13.487 islands. He surely can't make every party in Indonesia live wealthy by himself alone, we have to help him too. Starting from little things to do big things, we can help people who really need help around us first, after that we can move to a larger area. Note in our mind helping is not always using money. We can help by using our brains teaching those street children or participating in social events. By doing so, we can give significant contributions for the development of Indonesia.

Mr. Soekarno once said "Give me 1000 old men and I will pull Semeru from its root. Give me 10 young men and I will shake the world." This sentence was uttered by Mr. Soekarno to describe how powerful and passionate the young generations were. What about now? Our generation are spoiled and so self-centered. We are spoiled by technology and our life is all about ourselves without thinking and caring of others around us. Let's imagine, if we lived in 1945 without high technologies like we have now and we had to fight those colonialists, could we win and proclaim the independence? I think we couldn't because we don't have the passion our heroes had and we don't love our nation as much as they did. Some of us even are not proud being Indonesians, so ironic.

I don't get why some people are not proud being Indonesians. Not to mention our really rich country that has so many cultures, beauties, diversities, natural resources, human resources, etc. other countries don't have. We became an independent country by pouring a lot of  blood, sweats, tears coming from our heroes, from our founding fathers, from our proclaimers. Our independence wasn't given by other countries in free of charges. Without those sacrifices, we might still live colonialized now. Worse, we could still be slaves and do Romusha. Please appreciate our heroes' struggles by being proud of our country. Yeah being proud, stop saying bad things about the country because the bad one is not Indonesia. The bad ones are us, Indonesians.

Once again, happy independence day, Indonesia and Indonesians. 68 is not a young age for a person but for a country, it's still young. We still have much time to develop our country, our nation, and our people.  I'm not trying to be nationalist or whatsoever. I just wanna remind us all that our country still needs fighters, our country still needs heroes in order to keep its existence. If it's not us, then who else? Don't let our country be colonialized again in any ways. We have to fill our independence by studying, being creative, making creations in any kinds of aspects of life, etc. We have to show ourselves to the world and prove them we are still the Asian Tiger or even in the future we could be the World Tiger! For now, please forgive us Mr. Soekarno, the young generation nowadays can't fulfill your expectations to conquer the world, yet. Why did I say yet? Because I'm sure if we wanna move, we can give big contributions for our dearest country since we have the capacities and capabilities to do so. Fighting Indonesia's young generations! We can do it! Damn yeah, we love Indonesia and we are proud to be Indonesians!



Image via tumblr

Mirror

Here I am standing in front of a mirror hanging on the wall

I look at my reflection closely, details by details

I look at my face, there are some smooth wrinkles on my forehead, dark circles below my eyes, some pimples and black spots signing the increase of hormones during puberty

I've grown up

I turn my attention to my body, going down I trail it using my eyes from my jawline to my collarbone, from my shoulders to my sides, from my waist to my toe

There are some curves, estrogen do its work making inflection points on my chest and my hip

I'm a woman, physically

I've grown up

I want to look at myself deeper, I look at my eyes

I see hopes with no attempts to make them come true

I see dreams without any efforts to turn them real

I see fears and no tries to eliminate them

I see sins but not wanting to ask for forgiveness, making their amounts increase instead

Those are proofs of no maturity in this physically-grown-up woman

I've grown up but I'm not mature

Yeah, physically I've grown up but mentally I'm childlike

I have no courage to decide which path I will take to continue my life

I can't walk on my own, still needing some pair of hands to guide me walking on

I can't search but ask everyone to bring what I need to me

I don't wanna tell anyone what I want but explicitly ask them to guess, know, and understand my need

I demand too much and never give any

I've grown up and I'm selfish

I tug my hair to the back of my ears to get a better view of my face
This unreadable face always forms different expressions with what I truly feel
This face always forces my lips to smile when I don't want to
This face always tries so hard to look strong
But, my forlorn eyes never wanna cooperate with my face betraying its need to show a tough look
I've grown up and I'm fragile

Fragility never makes me to admit my weakness
I still act like I am a super human who can live alone without others
I don't wanna hurt my pride by asking help from others though deep inside I really need it
I lock myself in loneliness I create on my own
I'm so into my own self and  too confident of my nothingness
I've grown up and I'm arrogant

I look at my eyes deeper and deeper

Suddenly, images of my mom appear, image her smiling, image her laughing, image her crying, and her disappointed image

Those images hurt me to the core, break my heart to the fullest

Forgive me mom, in this age of mine I should have helped you but the fact is, I'm still be your burden

You are supposed to take a rest and enjoy your life, watching your children make your happy and form your smile. On the contrary, we make you sad and overburden you

I'm really sorry, mom

I've grown up and I'm ashamed

I look at myself profoundly

This mirror is the only witness of how miserable I look now
This mirror is my truly best friend because it doesn't laugh when I cry and not cry when I laugh

I remember all mistakes, all guilt, all wrongdoings, all sins I have committed either accidentally or consciously, mostly consciously, to my parents, families, friends, anyone I've ever hurt.

Moreover to You, God

I've been forgetting You for so long

I only come to You when I need something

I never thank You

I never be grateful

Forgive me, everyone

Forgive me, God

I've grown up and I'm sinful

Image via weheartit

God, I'm scared...

God, I'm scared...
Lately, I have been imagining things
I have been living in my illusions
I have been drowned in my unconscious mind

God, I'm scared...
I'm scared of uncertainties
My past tries to drag my feet preventing me going forward
My present is stuck, embedded deeply in a pile of fears
My future? I'm too scared to discover it

God, I'm scared...
I've changed into someone everyone doesn't recognize
I'm silent, sensitive, temperamental, and easily frustrated
Even me, myself and I don't know who I am anymore

God, I'm scared...
I'm starting questioning myself
I'm starting questioning everyone
I'm starting questioning society
I'm starting questioning life
I'm starting questioning You, doubting Your presence

God, I'm scared...
None cares about me
I'm alone
Lonely
Are You there?
God, I'm scared, indeed
I'm scared of myself...

Symbiosis Mutualism

We all ever heard the word symbiosis in Biology class, right? If not, here is a brief explanation. Symbiosis means a relationship between two creatures living close together and depending one another in certain ways. There are 3 types of symbiosis, which are:

• Symbiosis Parasitism: A parasitic relationship is a kind of symbiosis in which one member of the relation gets a benefit while the other one is harmed in order to give the benefit to its interactant.
• Symbiosis Commensalism: A commensal relationship is a kind of symbiosis in which one member of the relation gets a benefit while the other one is neither harmed nor benefited.
• Symbiosis Mutualism: A mutual relationship is a kind of symbiosis in which two members of the relation benefit each other.

That's a brief explanation on symbiosis in term of Biology. And here I am, wanna relate this thing in social life. When we socialize with others and build relationship with them, these three types of symbiosis happen. Have you ever realized it? Now think and remember, all relationships you have whether they are with your families, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-workers, neighbours, and all people around you, are consisting of the three symbioses. Here you go, some examples of symbioses with your friends:

• Symbiosis Parasitism (So-called friends): We all have relationship with people who only think of themselves. When they need some help, they immediately come and ask us to help them. They don't care if we can help them or not, they think it is our duties and responsibilities to help them, like always. But when we need some help from them, where are they? Gone with the wind. They don't care and don't wanna know, they are only friends for fun. Worse, they be friends with us with hidden intentions to get benefits from us. For instances, if you are rich, they be friends with you only because of your money. When you hang out with them, you're gonna be the one who pay all things and goodies. If you are smart, they be friends with you only because of your brain. When you have some school tasks or projects, you will be the one who do it while they laze around. But all of you will get same high scores for all efforts you do, alone. Do you have any friends with this kind of type? The persons who always rely on you and give nothing back, even a 'thank you'. Better you stay away from them because sooner or later they will harm you to the root.
• Symbiosis Commensalism (Just friends-we-know): This kind of relationship happens in our life too, usually with people who are not very close with us or with people we know for short term. They get benefits from us without any intentions to harm us. With this kind of people, you better not be too close and just be acquaintances with them. Who knows, our relationship with them might turn into the parasitic one.
• Symbiosis Mutualism (Best friends): Lucky you to have this kind of symbioses in your life! You and your friends benefit each other. When they need some help, you will help them sincerely and so will them. It's hard to find friends like this since most of friends we have, with no doubt, are the parasitic ones disguising in a mask called "Best Friends Forever". When you feel so insecure with your life, your friends will be there to comfort you not keep distances away from you. When they see you struggling so hard to face your hardships, they will not just watch in silence but they will encourage you. They will encourage you sincerely with no sweet yet fake words or some kinds of lip service but with true actions. You will not be shy to share your secrets or embarrassing problems with them because you know you trust them and you know they will soothe you. They are the ones you always can count on. Their shoulders are the places you always can lean on.

We may have many friends anywhere. We may be friends with anyone. But, only a few of them can be our best ones. Trust the ones who we really can trust.
If you wanna have your own best friends, the people who are sincere with you, you have to be sincere with them too. That's why, it's called mutual.

Dear you,

If ever you read this post, I hope you know my feeling towards you. I can't get why lately I always think of you. I decided to write something hoping someday you would read it. Yeah, read it and understand.

We met without a proper hello

Without introducing ourselves to each other

Because you didn't notice me

And I was too hypnotized looking at you, secretly

Do you remember when and where we first met? I bet you don't because I'm the one who lays my heart on you first without you being aware of my presence

To be very honest,

The moment I saw you, my eyes instinctively laid on you. I didn't know why. Now, I know. It was because your magnetic effect pulled both my conscious and unconscious selves to your pole.

The moment I saw you, my heart instantly throbbed. I didn't understand why. Now, I understand. It was because your smile stirred my blood to rush from my head to my toe forcing my heart working harder.

The moment I saw you, my brain continuously screamed that you were the right one. I couldn't tell why. Now, I can tell. It was because your images matched with the man I've been dreaming of.

Yeah the very moment I saw you, those things happened.

Love at first sight? Or lust at first sight?

I craved for you. Shall I say, I'm still craving for you?

Your scent.

Your every feature.

Your every expression.

Your every stare.

Your every movement.

Your every word.

Your every you...

Please wear your black shirt more often.

Please wear your blue jeans more often.

Please wear your brown shoes more often.

You look good in them. Good in term of handsome. In term of tempting. In term of irresistible.

So good.

Unfortunately, we ended even before we started.

We were so childish. Egoistically, childish.

We really were. Not only me.

We separated without a proper goodbye.

I miss you, really.

If ever we meet again. In the future. Somewhere. Someday.

If the feelings are still there. Genuine feelings. Mutual feelings.

When the two of us are already mature.

When the two of us have already stopped blaming each other.

When the two of us have already stopped blaming others.

Please greet me properly

And ask me once again.

Those three words that I didn't know, now I know them.

I just need you to utter them, utterly, properly, sincerely.

Unspoken feelings, unsaid words. Don't let them remain.

But, if we are not meant to be.

If fate doesn't let us to meet for the second time.

If we are destined for others, not for one another.

I just want you to know, I loved you that time. I love you this time.

I've been loving you...