Mirror

Here I am standing in front of a mirror hanging on the wall

I look at my reflection closely, details by details

I look at my face, there are some smooth wrinkles on my forehead, dark circles below my eyes, some pimples and black spots signing the increase of hormones during puberty

I've grown up

I turn my attention to my body, going down I trail it using my eyes from my jawline to my collarbone, from my shoulders to my sides, from my waist to my toe

There are some curves, estrogen do its work making inflection points on my chest and my hip

I'm a woman, physically

I've grown up

I want to look at myself deeper, I look at my eyes

I see hopes with no attempts to make them come true

I see dreams without any efforts to turn them real

I see fears and no tries to eliminate them

I see sins but not wanting to ask for forgiveness, making their amounts increase instead

Those are proofs of no maturity in this physically-grown-up woman

I've grown up but I'm not mature

Yeah, physically I've grown up but mentally I'm childlike

I have no courage to decide which path I will take to continue my life

I can't walk on my own, still needing some pair of hands to guide me walking on

I can't search but ask everyone to bring what I need to me

I don't wanna tell anyone what I want but explicitly ask them to guess, know, and understand my need

I demand too much and never give any

I've grown up and I'm selfish

I tug my hair to the back of my ears to get a better view of my face
This unreadable face always forms different expressions with what I truly feel
This face always forces my lips to smile when I don't want to
This face always tries so hard to look strong
But, my forlorn eyes never wanna cooperate with my face betraying its need to show a tough look
I've grown up and I'm fragile

Fragility never makes me to admit my weakness
I still act like I am a super human who can live alone without others
I don't wanna hurt my pride by asking help from others though deep inside I really need it
I lock myself in loneliness I create on my own
I'm so into my own self and  too confident of my nothingness
I've grown up and I'm arrogant

I look at my eyes deeper and deeper

Suddenly, images of my mom appear, image her smiling, image her laughing, image her crying, and her disappointed image

Those images hurt me to the core, break my heart to the fullest

Forgive me mom, in this age of mine I should have helped you but the fact is, I'm still be your burden

You are supposed to take a rest and enjoy your life, watching your children make your happy and form your smile. On the contrary, we make you sad and overburden you

I'm really sorry, mom

I've grown up and I'm ashamed

I look at myself profoundly

This mirror is the only witness of how miserable I look now
This mirror is my truly best friend because it doesn't laugh when I cry and not cry when I laugh

I remember all mistakes, all guilt, all wrongdoings, all sins I have committed either accidentally or consciously, mostly consciously, to my parents, families, friends, anyone I've ever hurt.

Moreover to You, God

I've been forgetting You for so long

I only come to You when I need something

I never thank You

I never be grateful

Forgive me, everyone

Forgive me, God

I've grown up and I'm sinful

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