Curtain

I lock the door of my room
None has the permission to enter this room but me
I shut the windows
None can see what's happening inside the room but me
I pull the curtain off to block sunlight, even the slightest ray of it is not allowed to peek through the window
I don't like sunlight, it's hot
It hurts my eyes
It makes my head ache
It forces my body to produce sweats
I like hiding behind this curtain more, it's dark, cozy and mild

Since I always prevent the sunlight to greet me using this curtain and all I can see is darkness,
I no longer can differentiate between day and night
I can't control my body anymore, instead it starts to take control over me
I can't sleep at night
I feel like I'm living in another world
I sleep when everyone is doing activities
I live when everyone is resting
I'm always wide awake till the dawn comes
The rooster is my alarm to remind me it's already dawn, when it crows I go to sleep
I sleep deeply till I hear the sounds of children running together, yeah their noisiness is the signal that it's already daylight, it's 1 P.M already, the time they go back from school
Praise my ability, I can recognize time only by hearing sounds now
I open my eyes not to wake myself up completely
I open my eyes not to start my activity that is, of course, too late to begin at this moment, I don't have any activities to do anyhow
I open my eyes only to daydream and hallucinate
My fantasies are beautiful, they dance elegantly in my head
With no intentions to get out of it and be real instead
So what could I do? I continue my daydreaming till the dawn comes and go sleep after that
It's all my daily routines now
And it's going in a circular motion
It's so relaxing, isn't it?
I don't need to tire myself with works
I don't need to stress my brain out to think
I don't need to dry my mouth to talk
I don't need to crease my hands to move
I don't need to exhaust my feet to walk
I just need to lay down and chill, perfect

But don't ever think my life is blissful being like this
The fatigue I feel for doing nothing is much worse, way worse than from doing zillion jobs where I tire myself from head to toe (which I prefer more)
The fatigue I feel is not physically, yeah it is either mentally or emotionally
Emotionally, mentally, I'm drained
The fatigue sends me over the edge, I could fall and die anytime
It flows massively from my brain to my heart to my bones to my muscles even to my whole nano cells
Can you imagine how it feels?
Can you feel what I feel?
Can you put yourself in my shoes?
I hope your feet fit in my shoes so you can take a walk with them

I may look okay from outside, okay in term everything in my life is alright
But who knows
Who predicts
Who thinks
Who imagines
Just like a play, once the curtain is pulled down, the actress has to stop acting
She needs to be back to her own self
She needs to show her true color
Yeah, behind this curtain, I'm just as insecure and scared and fragile and vulnerable and neurotic as anybody I don't know, you know. Maybe you feel the same like I do?



Image via weheartit