Me and My Solitude

Tonight, I need to ponder my despair in a seclusion

I decide to go on my feet roving to an unknown place nonchalantly

Only me, myself, and I. Just the three of us, with no other companions

It is cold. Oh, cold enough! I think the wind is on fire

Some crickets sing along making a big hidden choir, signing the stillness of this place

Ah, it's so serene right now. A perfect timing for having a quality time with myself

I look up, the stars are hanging out together making a wonderful constellation

The moon smiles crescent, yellow, beautiful, bright, and elated

The black sky is not lonely anymore for owning those stars and a moon to brighten its darkest phase, for getting the crickets as its source of music

I smile like the crescent moon does

I'm still staring at the sky intensely while putting both of my hands inside my pockets to warm them

I contemplate and commence a chitchat with myself

I begin our conversation by discussing the crickets, the stars, the crescent moon, and the sky we saw before

How fortunate they are, they live when most people are sleeping

When the crowds are resting, when life is not hectic, when everything is in a perfect serenity

They are blessed, though they live in darkness, they still have their faithful mates to accompany them to face the dark

The topic of our conversation for tonight is quite deep, it is about the difference of loneliness and solitude

I'm starting to ask myself, "What is the difference of loneliness and solitude in your opinion?"

"Either loneliness or solitude has meaning as a state of being alone. But, they will be totally different on the way you mean them." Myself answers.

"What do you mean? The way I mean them?" I ask myself again.

"Yes, the way you mean them. It will be loneliness if you suffer when there's none other than me to help you, to support you, to lift your burdens up in facing everything your life offers. It will be solitude when you enjoy my companion, examine things with me, solve your problems by asking my suggestions first, and delight our situation: you as subject, you as object, and me as yourself." Myself replies boldly.

"W-w-what?" I respond to myself's answers in stutter.

"What do you mean by w-w-what? Come on if you continue being like this, your life will be useless. Stop trapping me. Because me as yourself is not trapped by situations, you are the one who trap me, you are the one who imprison me, you are the one who have to take all responsibilities for what you've done. Stop blaming others, fate, and even God. Stop bemoaning for all griefs you created on your own. When you are alone, without any friends to talk to, without any families to share with, without anyone pays even a slightest attention to you, note in your mind you have to mean your state of being alone as solitude. Call me to communicate with you though sometimes I can be a totally-deaf jerk who ignores you and lets you fall even deeper, when I act like that don't be tired to call me even for million times till I answer you or else both of us will be completely lost. But, the most effective way is to pray and converse to God because He is the only one who won't ever leave you alone. He is way more faithful than the crickets, the stars, and the crescent moon who will leave the night when they get bored." Myself shouts at me.

I am shocked, confused and start to digest every word myself has uttered to me. Myself is right. Yeah, totally right, she is sober and in the most conscious condition now. None has to be blamed but me. None has to be judged but me. None has to be introspected but me. I have to get up, I really do.

I let out a long sigh and my conversation with myself ended

My innermost has vented all things she wanted to say in the middle of this silence

Being alone is not loneliness, it is solitude

Solitude is something I have to cherish with myself

Solitude is an art

Solitude helps me to strive

Solitude is my sunlight to color my life in the middle of this darkness.